Money

Being an adult and being conscious of how expensive things are is disgusting. Especially in New York. I am so grateful of all the times id scream or cry for a monster high doll or one of those Barbie’s or omg a webkinz, but my parents would give in and get it for me. There’s nothing more frustrating than spending money on useless things like a vape ew or a water just cause im thirsty. Every single time I spend time downtown, i always get a overwhelming yet subconscious frustration with the money i spend. Like okay 10 dollars for chips and guacamole… 

I end up having a great time, but i still feel such a guilt for not thinking thriftily when going out with friends. Maybe if i was vegan id save money? 

This is especially hard cause i love trying new food. Im such a traditionalist when it comes to food. Whenever i go to a Resturant multiple times, i order the same exact drink and the same exact food. Except today, i literally had ramen with idk what was in it cause i didnt even read the ingredients, and i loved it. It reminds me of when i was in virginia about a year ago and i tried a chicken sandwich. Not just any chicken sandwich, literally the best chicken sandwich in the world with random things in it like MAYO. I had never tried mayo before that but it’s kinda good. The only other meal that reached the same potential as the chicken sandwich from virginia is the chicken kebab pita sandwich from Cafe Mogador. It’s literally a pot of gold. Perfect with fresh orange juice or their mint lemonade, which sometimes has too much pulp but otherwise is delicious. 

Anyways yeah, i wanna try cool meals but im broke after one weekend downtown with my friends. The only way to save money is literally just eat at home. But then i feel bad for constantly eating my parents food. Plus i dont want to spend that much time at home. 

It’s helped that I’ve started loving work though, and so does the money i make from music. I should have a lot of money added up by the end of the summer, otherwise i plan on getting a job once i move to DC. Cant depend on being an influencer forever… 

It’s weird shifting your priorities when you get older. This time last year, i would never consider getting a full time or even a part time job to make good money. Im now thinking about building my credit, where i want my future to be, who i want my future to be with… and its not even bringing me that much anxiety. It’s kind of exciting. I really do love working, it makes fitting other things into my schedule so much more fun. Like seeing friends, going out on a date, movie night. I think ive always wanted this feeling since i was young. And i really do hope i keep this mentality when i get to college. Prioritizing myself, my career, and my success. I don’t want to be prude when it comes down to the “college experience” and going out to parties and such, but i really don’t feel a need for that. 

How do i feel like i already want to settle down, have a good career and good family at 18. I dont know if its because of the expedited maturity that comes with growing up in New York City surrounded by older friends since 7th grade or my inate obsession with anticipation. Or maybe a mix of both?

I still feel like i enjoy my adolescence though, i love the place im in right now, I love the people i surround myself with and the fun that we have. I don’t feel like my adulthood is impending.