today is a wonderful beautiful day.
it is raining in Washington DC, but it's cozy. I feel as though my past couple of blogs are too filled with anxiety and complaint - this blog post is nothing of the sort.
today I'm so happy, I'm in a fantastic mood. I feel accomplished, passionate, and bright. I feel comfortable, kind, smiley, grateful, and excited.
i got a notification this morning from spotify showing my top 100 listened to songs from last year. they're all happy and sweet. Here are a few of them:
You Are Giving Me Some Other Love - Penny & The Quarters
Seven Wonders 2017 Remastered Version - Fleetwood Mac
Real Love Baby - Father John Misty
Hey! Get Out of my Way - The Cardigans
Anyways, back to the regularly scheduled programming.
I feel whole.
I feel really good - it's such a nice feeling when I subconsciously wake up and decide to focus on the good and exciting aspects of my life. It drives me to be optimistic and determined. this all sounds so corny but I'm serious!
I can spend this time talking about all my anxieties, including people talking behind my back, people not respecting my space, and the stress of school, but today I've just remembered the fact that "I've gone through this stuff before, I'm capable of fixing it, getting it done, and I will, one step at a time!"
The funny thing is that I feel like this a lot. By taking the time to have a genuine connection with myself and the world around me and its beauty, I take the steps I know that will bring me out of a stressed out or anxious state. one of which, is this blog; turning my anxieties and thoughts into a forum where people can relate and have the ability to discuss similar or different situations is something that truly has improved my mental health. Unfortunately, from the reader's perspective, it looks like my life is driven by these moments, but they truly aren't.
i've been thinking a lot recently about how I'm perceived and how I want to be perceived through the media I release into this vast, crazy, judgemental, but hurt world we live in. in terms of my music, I've been making more and more of an effort to cultivate music based on what I love, not what I think would be popular. and it's led me to such a confident state with my music and performance. I even performed live, confidently, at my college this past weekend. which is something that took a lot of courage to do while living in NYC.
when it comes to my blog posts, i have a lot more room and space to show how i feel, but i really do think i haven't given enough insight into my character as most of my posts regard my anxieties, mental health, and even complaints. for instance, something you wouldn't know about me unless I wrote it here, was that yesterday, i hungout with my new friends, just did work in the same space, talked about random things, and as I left I just couldn't stop smiling. In that moment I was filled with such an insane amount of gratitude for these people that i simply couldn't contain my emotion.
sounds like i'm crazy, but this is exactly where I want to be in life and it takes effort.
I've spent so much of my life moving fast, growing up so fast, consumed by toxicity, materialism, sadness, anxiety (i still struggle with that), and settling for good treatment by the people I surround myself with. making a habit of living in the moment, being aware, reflective, and grateful, is something I've forced myself to do. yesterday was the first time that I realized that I had done it subconsciously, and I was so proud of myself.
that's not to say that I don't ever struggle with bad days, bad weeks, even bad months - I just always remind myself that it's okay that I feel that way at the moment and I'm allowed to, but it can't consume me cause I'm strong.
it's so easy to feel comfortable in a state of toxicity. it's so commonly practiced within our generation. we love chasing things, we feel as though it's productive. I'll tell you unless it's something that will better you like a passion, occupation, interest, or a healthy relationship, it's not worth it. it's important to be aware of where you are in the moment. if you're not being treated right or being respected as you would respect another person or thing, remove yourself. there's no reason we shouldn't be able to find joy in moments that lead to greater accomplishments. have pride in yourself. stand up for yourself, but be kind in the way you do it; you're simply prioritizing yourself for the benefit of others.
yeah yeah lucia, you're corny.
I am. but I'm proud of it. I really believe that this mindset has helped me not only within myself and my comfortability and respect for myself, but in my relationships with my work, passions, relationships, friends, and foes.
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